The pilgrimage to your heart…

All my words are lying in disarray,
You know what I mean, don’t you?
It is with you that I find profound solace
A place so calm and peaceful

The skies have turned murky
And moving forward is a daunting task
I have been struggling to get things going
For the path I took was insurmountable and rough

The journey is wearing me out
But I’d keep on moving
If I give up, all hope would perish
Never to return

I always knew there was a place
Later, it dawned on me that it was just a trick
Wanted an immediate answer
It hurt me immensely and I felt cheated
Despite despondence , I’d like to keep you close to my heart
My voice is falling apart
You kissed my cheek and smiled, rather nonchalantly
I realized that the journey was complete
I had conquered the final frontier

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L’odeur énigmatique

They say you’re merely a fragment of my imagination
But I, somewhere at the back of my mind, know
we’d meet one day, like air meets fire

I remember playing on rugged grounds
And those 10 kilometre-long ‘pilgrimages’ via metro rapid transits
Cafeterias were no less than monasteries
And assignments were a mere formality
I admit things have gone downhill

Time didn’t stop for me, and neither would it stop for you
And I know, I have gone a bit too far
But I always had the courage to return
Be it past, present, or future

Each moment of mine spent in silence
Was a sheer waste of time
While everything else was moving, I lay motionless
With a thousand fragments of broken thoughts overpowering me
Now, I seem to have realized
Even if we travel at the rate of knots, we’d end up nowhere ( for it’s a vicious circle)

I know, I left without a trace.
Smiling at you, rather nonchalantly.
But, breathing in the sillage of memories,
brought me back to my senses
But deep within the memories, I couldn’t erase, you were right there…

I completely understand
That I am, just as everything else, fragile and transient
And that all we need, is to live in this moment
For it would never return once it vanishes into thin air
This sillage of memories didn’t let me get carried away…

Darkness, beloved

It was night, and the moon was nowhere to be seen
I still remember watching you find your way out of darkness
both of us could barely see things lying in front of us
I could see darkness absorbing you,
just like a sponge absorbs water

It’s quite astounding
Darkness has become a constant
The sun seems to have set
It’s dark, but all my wounds seem to be gleaming
Just as hunger gleams in the eyes of a wanderer

I come across countless demonic shadows
floating in thin air
Shadows of death and sorrow
waiting for me to fall asleep

This darkness pierces my heart
I can see countless broken shards of glass
It stabs me deeper and deeper
My heart’s in tatters, falling piece by piece

And just then, I see you running towards me
You lay here, in my restless arms
Then, both of us fall asleep
with countless fragments of broken thoughts scattered all over
My dream broke when I wake up the next morning
the sun is nowhere to be seen

 

 

 

Life Cycle…

 

To whom does this body belong?
I don’t know whose body is it
It’s the same old story,
be it night or day

I seem to have forgotten the world
or has this world forgotten me
my mind is running riot; I’m baffled
From where is this smog rising?

My mind seems to be flooding with forgotten memories
I don’t remember anything
it’s a flood of broken memories
I seem to be losing my mind

What are these memories turning me into? (A hideous, crimson monster)
I can’t escape
I’m losing myself
It is a nightmarish dream
that keeps haunting me while I sleep

I see my body lying motionlessly in an ocean of grief
All my words are lying in disarray right in front of my eyes
Hollow bodies, fragile and mortal
Floating aimlessly like dead weights

Our bodies are wilting away like dead leaves
Exhausted, depleted, and lost
I vanish into thin air
To  return in another form…

 

When our bodies met

 

It was like holding a butterfly,
Beautiful and full of life
When I held you in my arms
For a moment there
I felt complete, I felt joyous

When our bodies met,
I felt a rush going through my body
And I wanted to melt away in your arms
Like a candle melts away
After it embraces fire

When I closed my eyes
I could feel you as you laid beside me
I could feel  your cheek on my shoulder
And I was aware of the pleasure it gave me

Our bodies met, like air meets fire,
To give rise to flames
And all cautions and worries were thrown to the wind
For a moment there, everything appeared complete

And then, out of nowhere, the splendour began to end
The dream broke, and my body began stiffening up
Everything began disappearing, my body began to freeze
And  memories began to fade
Like broken shards of glass

I could hear you breathing
What a wonderful dream it was
as our bodies met,
For the first and last time
And then you bid adieu

 

 

Impure (As I lay crying)

I heard that Time will heal my wounds,
But somewhere at the back of my mind I know
These wounds would never heal
It’s just not possible

I cry, I weep, I haul
Waiting for the rain to fall
and for my wounds to heal,
but I know, It’s an exercise in sheer futility

They say, I’ve become impure
As I was touched by a man
He thinks  it was ‘an act of valour’
Those unwanted touches would now echo in my memory
For the rest of my life
And would come back to haunt me

My mother says I can no longer be what I used to be
And I know, there’s a lot of truth in what she says
My father says nobody would marry me,
for I’m impure

I can’t summon my strength to walk outside
For there is no strength left in me (I’m drained)
Can’t just accept what has been done to me
I walk with my head bowed down
It’s suffocating in here

I kept screaming, but those screams went unheeded
The screams in my throat froze
As I lay motionless
A demon kept running his hands all over my body
His devilish smile would haunt me for years to come

They say I’ve become impure
All I would like to ask is:
What is more impure,
My body or his mind?

Cacophony…

There’s something between us
Distance, misunderstanding, and chaos
It’s eating away the happiness we shared
I want you to hold it together,
but you tell me it’s time to let it go

Let us just talk for a moment
Let us discuss this once
Or else, we’ll regret it once it’s all over
Whatever exists between us
Has a reason behind its existence
I want you to hold it together,
but you tell me it’s time to let it go

Whatever has passed (gone by)
Keeps flashing endlessly  before my eyes
Why are you doing this? (I fail to understand)
I want you to hold it together,
but you tell me it’s time to let it go

It’s not easy, I know,
but it’s just a passing shower, not a thunderstorm
I won’t let it slip out of hand
Knowing that pain lies in separation,
And not in the struggle we’ve gone through

If you ask me, I’d say,
that despite despondence, we shouldn’t let it slip away
Because the distance between us is nothing more than time lost
It’s a barrage of unwanted memories
That keeps overpowering me
Every now and then
but you mustn’t forget
that  every rose has thorns…